🔊 Pierre went on with his diary, and this is what he wrote in it during that time:

皮埃尔继续写他的日记,以下是那段时间他在日记中写下的内容:

🔊

diary /ˈdaɪəri/

n. 日记,日志➕

11月24日

🔊 Got up at eight, read the Scriptures, then went to my duties. (By Joseph Alexéevich's advice Pierre had entered the service of the state and served on one of the committees.) Returned home for dinner and dined alone--the countess had many visitors I do not like. I ate and drank moderately and after dinner copied out some passages for the Brothers. In the evening I went down to the countess and told a funny story about B., and only remembered that I ought not to have done so when everybody laughed loudly at it.

八点起床,阅读经文,然后去处理公务。（遵照约瑟夫·阿列克谢耶维奇的建议,皮埃尔已进入国家公务部门,并在其中一个委员会任职。）回家吃饭,独自用餐--伯爵夫人有许多我不喜欢的访客。饮食适度,饭后为弟兄们抄写了几段经文。晚上我下楼去见伯爵夫人,讲了一个关于B.的笑话,直到大家都放声大笑,我才想起自己不该这么做。

🔊

Scriptures /ˈskrɪptʃərz/

n. 经文,圣经➕

🔊

committees /kəˈmɪtiz/

n. 委员会➕

🔊

moderately /ˈmɑːdərətli/

adv. 适度地,中庸地➕

🔊 I am going to bed with a happy and tranquil mind. Great God, help me to walk in Thy paths, (1) to conquer anger by calmness and deliberation, (2) to vanquish lust by self-restraint and repulsion, (3) to withdraw from worldliness, but not avoid (a) the service of the state, (b) family duties, (c) relations with my friends, and the management of my affairs.

我带着愉快而平静的心情上床就寝。伟大的上帝,助我行走在你的道路上:(1)以冷静和深思克制愤怒,(2)以自律和排斥战胜欲望,(3)远离世俗,但不逃避(甲)国家公务、(乙)家庭责任、(丙)与朋友的关系以及我的事务管理。

🔊

tranquil /ˈtræŋkwɪl/

adj. 宁静的,平静的➕

🔊

conquer /ˈkɑːŋkər/

v. 征服,克服➕

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deliberation /dɪˌlɪbəˈreɪʃn/

n. 深思熟虑,慎重➕

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vanquish /ˈvæŋkwɪʃ/

v. 征服,击败➕

🔊

self-restraint /ˌself rɪˈstreɪnt/

n. 自我克制,自制➕

🔊 27th November

11月27日

🔊 I got up late. On waking I lay long in bed yielding to sloth. O God, help and strengthen me that I may walk in Thy ways! Read the Scriptures, but without proper feeling. Brother Urúsov came and we talked about worldly vanities. He told me of the Emperor's new projects. I began to criticize them, but remembered my rules and my benefactor's words--that a true Freemason should be a zealous worker for the state when his aid is required and a quiet onlooker when not called on to assist. My tongue is my enemy. Brothers G. V. and O. visited me and we had a preliminary talk about the reception of a new Brother. They laid on me the duty of Rhetor. I feel myself weak and unworthy. Then our talk turned to the interpretation of the seven pillars and steps of the Temple, the seven sciences, the seven virtues, the seven vices, and the seven gifts of the Holy Spirit. Brother O. was very eloquent. In the evening the admission took place. The new decoration of the Premises contributed much to the magnificence of the spectacle. It was Borís Drubetskóy who was admitted. I nominated him and was the Rhetor. A strange feeling agitated me all the time I was alone with him in the dark chamber. I caught myself harboring a feeling of hatred toward him which I vainly tried to overcome. That is why I should really like to save him from evil and lead him into the path of truth, but evil thoughts of him did not leave me. It seemed to me that his object in entering the Brotherhood was merely to be intimate and in favor with members of our lodge. Apart from the fact that he had asked me several times whether N. and S. were members of our lodge (a question to which I could not reply) and that according to my observation he is incapable of feeling respect for our holy order and is too preoccupied and satisfied with the outer man to desire spiritual improvement, I had no cause to doubt him, but he seemed to me insincere, and all the time I stood alone with him in the dark temple it seemed to me that he was smiling contemptuously at my words, and I wished really to stab his bare breast with the sword I held to it. I could not be eloquent, nor could I frankly mention my doubts to the Brothers and to the Grand Master. Great Architect of Nature, help me to find the true path out of the labyrinth of lies!

我起晚了。醒来后长时间赖在床上,耽于怠惰。哦,上帝,帮助并加强我,使我行在你的道路上！阅读经文,却没有恰当的感受。乌鲁索夫兄弟来访,我们谈论世俗的虚荣。他告诉我皇帝的新计划。我开始批评它们,但想起了我的规则和恩人的话--一个真正的共济会员,当国家需要他时,应是一个热忱的劳动者；当无需协助时,应是一个安静的旁观者。我的舌头是我的敌人。兄弟G.V.和O.来访,我们初步讨论了接纳一位新兄弟的事宜。他们委任我担任修辞者。我感到自己软弱且不配。随后我们的谈话转向对圣殿七柱七阶、七艺、七德、七恶以及圣灵七恩的阐释。O.兄弟能言善辩。晚上举行了接纳仪式。场所的新装饰大大增添了仪式的壮观。被接纳的是鲍里斯·德鲁别茨科伊。我提名了他,并担任修辞者。当我与他单独在暗室中时,一种奇怪的感觉搅动着我。我发觉自己对他怀有一种憎恨之情,而我徒劳地想克服它。正因如此,我确实很想将他从邪恶中拯救出来,引向真理之路,但对他的恶念始终挥之不去。在我看来,他加入兄弟会的目的只是为了与我们共济会分会的成员亲近并博得欢心。除却他曾多次问我N.和S.是否是我们分会的成员（我无法回答的问题）,并且据我观察,他无法对我们神圣的教团怀有敬意,而且过分关注和满足于外在形象,缺乏追求精神提升的愿望之外,我没有理由怀疑他,但他似乎并不真诚；当我独自与他站在黑暗的神殿中时,我总觉得他正在轻蔑地嘲笑我的话,我真想用手中握着的剑刺向他赤裸的胸膛。我无法雄辩,也无法坦然地向弟兄们和大师说出我的疑虑。伟大的自然建筑师,助我找到走出谎言迷宫的真理之路！

🔊

sloth /sləʊθ/

n. 懒惰,怠惰➕

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benefactor /ˈbenɪfæktər/

n. 恩人,捐助者➕

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zealous /ˈzeləs/

adj. 热情的,热心的➕

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eloquent /ˈeləkwənt/

adj. 雄辩的,有口才的➕

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magnificence /mæɡˈnɪfɪsns/

n. 壮丽,宏伟➕

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spectacle /ˈspektəkl/

n. 景象,奇观➕

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agitated /ˈædʒɪteɪtɪd/

adj. 焦虑的,激动的➕

🔊

contemptuously /kənˈtemptʃuəsli/

adv. 轻蔑地,傲慢地➕

🔊 After this, three pages were left blank in the diary, and then the following was written:

此后,日记中留了三页空白,接着写了以下内容:

🔊

blank /blæŋk/

adj. 空白的➕

🔊 I have had a long and instructive talk alone with Brother V., who advised me to hold fast by Brother A. Though I am unworthy, much was revealed to me. Adonai is the name of the creator of the world. Elohim is the name of the ruler of all. The third name is the name unutterable which means the All. Talks with Brother V. strengthen, refresh, and support me in the path of virtue. In his presence doubt has no place. The distinction between the poor teachings of mundane science and our sacred all-embracing teaching is clear to me. Human sciences dissect everything to comprehend it, and kill everything to examine it. In the holy science of our order all is one, all is known in its entirety and life. The Trinity--the three elements of matter--are sulphur, mercury, and salt. Sulphur is of an oily and fiery nature; in combination with salt by its fiery nature it arouses a desire in the latter by means of which it attracts mercury, seizes it, holds it, and in combination produces other bodies. Mercury is a fluid, volatile, spiritual essence. Christ, the Holy Spirit, Him!...

我与V.兄弟单独进行了一次漫长而富有教益的谈话,他建议我紧紧追随A.兄弟。虽然我不配,但许多事向我显明了。阿多奈是创造世界的名。以罗欣是统管万有的名。第三个名是不可言说之名,意指万有。与V.兄弟的谈话使我坚强、焕发,并在美德之路上支持我。在他面前,疑虑无处容身。世俗科学的浅薄教义与我们神圣而包罗万象的教义之间的区别,我此刻明白。人类科学为理解而剖析一切,为检验而扼杀一切。在我们教团的神圣科学中,万物为一,一切在整体和生命中得以认知。三位一体--物质的三种元素--是硫、汞和盐。硫具有油性和火性；与盐结合时,凭借其火性唤起后者的欲望,借此吸引汞,抓住并持有它,结合产生其他物体。汞是一种流动、易挥发、精神的本质。基督,圣灵,他！……

🔊

instructive /ɪnˈstrʌktɪv/

adj. 有教育意义的,有启发性的➕

🔊

revealed /rɪˈviːld/

v. 揭示,透露（过去式）➕

🔊

virtue /ˈvɜːrtʃuː/

n. 美德,优点➕

🔊

distinction /dɪˈstɪŋkʃn/

n. 区别,差别➕

🔊

mundane /mʌnˈdeɪn/

adj. 世俗的,平凡的➕

🔊

dissect /daɪˈsekt/

v. 解剖,剖析➕

🔊

comprehend /ˌkɑːmprɪˈhend/

v. 理解,领悟➕

🔊

volatile /ˈvɑːlətl/

adj. 易变的,不稳定的；挥发性的➕

🔊 3rd December

12月3日

🔊 Awoke late, read the Scriptures but was apathetic. Afterwards went and paced up and down the large hall. I wished to meditate, but instead my imagination pictured an occurrence of four years ago, when Dólokhov, meeting me in Moscow after our duel, said he hoped I was enjoying perfect peace of mind in spite of my wife's absence. At the time I gave him no answer. Now I recalled every detail of that meeting and in my mind gave him the most malevolent and bitter replies. I recollected myself and drove away that thought only when I found myself glowing with anger, but I did not sufficiently repent. Afterwards Borís Drubetskóy came and began relating various adventures. His coming vexed me from the first, and I said something disagreeable to him. He replied. I flared up and said much that was unpleasant and even rude to him. He became silent, and I recollected myself only when it was too late. My God, I cannot get on with him at all. The cause of this is my egotism. I set myself above him and so become much worse than he, for he is lenient to my rudeness while I on the contrary nourish contempt for him. O God, grant that in his presence I may rather see my own vileness, and behave so that he too may benefit. After dinner I fell asleep and as I was drowsing off I clearly heard a voice saying in my left ear, "Thy day!"

醒得晚,阅读经文但无动于衷。之后去大厅来回踱步。本想冥想,但想象却浮现四年前的一件事:我与多洛霍夫在莫斯科决斗后相遇,他说他希望尽管妻子不在,我仍能享有完全的心境安宁。当时我没有回答。现在我回忆起那次见面的每个细节,并在心里给了他最恶毒、最尖刻的回答。我回过神,只在自己因愤怒而发火时才驱散了那个念头,但我并没有充分忏悔。随后鲍里斯·德鲁别茨科伊来了,开始讲述各种冒险经历。他的到来从一开始就令我不悦,我对他说了些不客气的话。他答了话。我勃然大怒,说了许多不愉快甚至粗鲁的话。他沉默不语,等我回过神时为时已晚。我的上帝,我根本无法与他相处。原因在于我的自我中心。我把自己置于他之上,因而变得比他更糟糕,因为他宽恕我的粗鲁,而我却反而对他满怀轻蔑。哦,上帝,赐我在他面前更多地看见自己的卑劣,并如此行事,使他也能受益。饭后我睡着了,昏昏欲睡时,我清晰地听到一个声音在我左耳说:“你的日子到了！”

🔊

apathetic /ˌæpəˈθetɪk/

adj. 冷漠的,无动于衷的➕

🔊

meditate /ˈmedɪteɪt/

v. 冥想,沉思➕

🔊

occurrence /əˈkɜːrəns/

n. 发生,事件➕

🔊

malevolent /məˈlevələnt/

adj. 恶意的,恶毒的➕

🔊

contempt /kənˈtempt/

n. 轻视,蔑视➕

🔊

egotism /ˈiːɡətɪzəm/

n. 自我中心,自负➕

🔊 I dreamed that I was walking in the dark and was suddenly surrounded by dogs, but I went on undismayed. Suddenly a smallish dog seized my left thigh with its teeth and would not let go. I began to throttle it with my hands. Scarcely had I torn it off before another, a bigger one, began biting me. I lifted it up, but the higher I lifted it the bigger and heavier it grew. And suddenly Brother A. came and, taking my arm, led me to a building to enter which we had to pass along a narrow plank. I stepped on it, but it bent and gave way and I began to clamber up a fence which I could scarcely reach with my hands. After much effort I dragged myself up, so that my leg hung down on one side and my body on the other. I looked round and saw Brother A. standing on the fence and pointing me to a broad avenue and garden, and in the garden was a large and beautiful building. I woke up. O Lord, great Architect of Nature, help me to tear from myself these dogs--my passions especially the last, which unites in itself the strength of all the former ones, and aid me to enter that temple of virtue to a vision of which I attained in my dream.

我梦见自己在黑暗中行走,突然被一群狗包围,但我继续前行,毫不畏惧。忽然一只较小的狗咬住我的左大腿,不肯松口。我开始用手掐它。刚把它扯掉,另一只更大的狗又来咬我。我把它提起来,但提得越高,它就变得越大越重。忽然A.兄弟来了,挽着我的手臂,领我向一座建筑走去,要进入必须经过一条窄木板。我踏上去,但木板弯曲下陷,我开始攀爬一道栅栏,只能勉强用手够到。费了好大劲我才爬上去,一条腿垂在一边,身体在另一边。我环顾四周,看见A.兄弟站在栅栏上,指着一条宽阔的大道和花园,花园里有一座巨大而美丽的建筑。我醒了。哦,主,伟大的自然建筑师,帮助我从自身撕掉这些狗--我的激情,尤其是最后那条,它汇集了前面所有激情的力量,并助我进入那座我在梦中见到了景象的美德之殿。

🔊

undismayed /ˌʌndɪˈsmeɪd/

adj. 不气馁的,不沮丧的➕

🔊

throttle /ˈθrɑːtl/

v. 掐死,勒死；扼杀➕

🔊

clamber /ˈklæmbər/

v. 攀登,攀爬➕

🔊

scarcely /ˈskersli/

adv. 几乎不,几乎没有➕

🔊

vision /ˈvɪʒn/

n. 景象,愿景；幻象➕

🔊 7th December

12月7日

🔊 I dreamed that Joseph Alexéevich was sitting in my house, and that I was very glad and wished to entertain him. It seemed as if I chattered incessantly with other people and suddenly remembered that this could not please him, and I wished to come close to him and embrace him. But as soon as I drew near I saw that his face had changed and grown young, and he was quietly telling me something about the teaching of our order, but so softly that I could not hear it. Then it seemed that we all left the room and something strange happened. We were sitting or lying on the floor. He was telling me something, and I wished to show him my sensibility, and not listening to what he was saying I began picturing to myself the condition of my inner man and the grace of God sanctifying me. And tears came into my eyes, and I was glad he noticed this. But he looked at me with vexation and jumped up, breaking off his remarks. I felt abashed and asked whether what he had been saying did not concern me; but he did not reply, gave me a kind look, and then we suddenly found ourselves in my bedroom where there is a double bed. He lay down on the edge of it and I burned with longing to caress him and lie down too. And he said, "Tell me frankly what is your chief temptation? Do you know it? I think you know it already." Abashed by this question, I replied that sloth was my chief temptation. He shook his head incredulously; and even more abashed, I said that though I was living with my wife as he advised, I was not living with her as her husband. To this he replied that one should not deprive a wife of one's embraces and gave me to understand that that was my duty. But I replied that I should be ashamed to do it, and suddenly everything vanished. And I awoke and found in my mind the text from the Gospel: "The life was the light of men. And the light shineth in darkness; and the darkness comprehended it not." Joseph Alexéevich's face had looked young and bright. That day I received a letter from my benefactor in which he wrote about "conjugal duties."

我梦见约瑟夫·阿列克谢耶维奇坐在我家中,我十分高兴,想款待他。似乎我与其他人不停地闲聊,突然想起这样不会令他高兴,便想靠近他拥抱他。但刚一走近,我看见他的面容已变,变得年轻,他正轻声告诉我一些关于我们教团教义的事,但声音太轻,我听不清。随后似乎我们都离开了房间,发生了一件奇怪的事。我们坐在地板上或躺在地板上。他正对我说着什么,我想向他展示我的敏感,没有听他说话,而是开始想象自己内心人的状态以及上帝成圣的恩典。泪水涌上眼眶,我很高兴他注意到了。但他烦恼地看着我,跳了起来,中断了话语。我感到羞愧,问他刚才说的可与我有关；但他没有回答,和蔼地看了我一眼,然后我们突然发现自己在我的卧室里,那里有一张双人床。他躺在床沿,我渴望爱抚他,也躺下。他说:“坦白告诉我,你最大的诱惑是什么？你知道吗？我想你已经知道了。”被这个问题弄得难堪,我回答懒惰是我最大的诱惑。他不以为然地摇头；我更羞愧了,便说我虽然遵照他的建议与妻子同住,却并没有以丈夫的身份与她生活。他回答说,一个人不应拒绝妻子的拥抱,并让我明白这是我的责任。但我回答说那样做我会感到羞耻,突然一切消失了。我醒来,脑海中浮现福音书中的经文:“生命是人的光。光照在黑暗里,黑暗却不接受光。” 约瑟夫·阿列克谢耶维奇的面容看上去年轻而明亮。那天我收到恩人的来信,信中他写道“夫妻义务”。

🔊

chattered /ˈtʃætərd/

v. 喋喋不休,闲聊（过去式）➕

🔊

incessantly /ɪnˈsesntli/

adv. 不断地,无休止地➕

🔊

abashed /əˈbæʃt/

adj. 羞愧的,窘迫的➕

🔊

deprive /dɪˈpraɪv/

v. 剥夺,使丧失➕

🔊

conjugal /ˈkɑːndʒəɡl/

adj. 婚姻的,夫妻的➕

🔊 9th December

12月9日

🔊 I had a dream from which I awoke with a throbbing heart. I saw that I was in Moscow in my house, in the big sitting room, and Joseph Alexéevich came in from the drawing room. I seemed to know at once that the process of regeneration had already taken place in him, and I rushed to meet him. I embraced him and kissed his hands, and he said, "Hast thou noticed that my face is different?" I looked at him, still holding him in my arms, and saw that his face was young, but that he had no hair on his head and his features were quite changed. And I said, "I should have known you had I met you by chance," and I thought to myself, "Am I telling the truth?" And suddenly I saw him lying like a dead body; then he gradually recovered and went with me into my study carrying a large book of sheets of drawing paper; I said, "I drew that," and he answered by bowing his head. I opened the book, and on all the pages there were excellent drawings. And in my dream I knew that these drawings represented the love adventures of the soul with its beloved. And on its pages I saw a beautiful representation of a maiden in transparent garments and with a transparent body, flying up to the clouds. And I seemed to know that this maiden was nothing else than a representation of the Song of Songs. And looking at those drawings I dreamed I felt that I was doing wrong, but could not tear myself away from them. Lord, help me! My God, if Thy forsaking me is Thy doing, Thy will be done; but if I am myself the cause, teach me what I should do! I shall perish of my debauchery if Thou utterly desertest me!

我做了一个梦,醒来时心怦怦直跳。我梦见自己身处莫斯科的家中,在大客厅里,约瑟夫·阿列克谢耶维奇从起居室走进来。我似乎立刻知道他已经历了重生过程,便冲上去迎接他。我拥抱他,亲吻他的手,他说:“你注意到我的脸变了吗？”我看着他,仍然搂着他,发现他的脸变年轻了,但头上没有头发,容貌也完全变了。我说:“若偶然遇见,我也会认出你的。”我心想:“我说的是真话吗？”突然我看见他像死人一样躺着；然后他渐渐恢复,和我一起走进书房,手里拿着一大本图画纸册；我说:“那是我画的。”他点头作答。我打开书,每一页都是绝妙的图画。在梦中,我知道这些图画描绘了灵魂与其挚爱的爱情冒险。在书页上,我看到一幅美丽的画,一位身穿透明衣服、身体透明的少女飞向云端。我似乎知道这位少女无非就是《雅歌》的象征。看着那些画,我在梦中感到自己做了错事,却无法移开目光。主,帮助我！我的上帝,若你离弃我是你的作为,愿你的旨意成就；但若是我自己的原因,请教导我该怎么做！你若完全抛弃我,我将因我的堕落而毁灭！

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throbbing /ˈθrɑːbɪŋ/

adj. 跳动的,悸动的➕

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regeneration /rɪˌdʒenəˈreɪʃn/

n. 再生,革新➕

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transparent /trænsˈpærənt/

adj. 透明的；显而易见的➕

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debauchery /dɪˈbɔːtʃəri/

n. 堕落,纵欲➕

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perish /ˈperɪʃ/

v. 毁灭,死亡➕

Book Six: 1808 - 10 – Chapter ten (第十章)

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